Wrap It Up and Put a Bow on It

Designer Kit Pistol has cute patent-leather bows for those of you who like to stick doodads in your hair.

A Shorts Story

While researching shiny shorts, I found these cute shorts by Kate Moss for Topshop.

A Red Leopard Doesn't Change Its Spots

David Szeto top

$342, down from $685, on Net-a-Porter

Sweater from Jennine's Etsy store
$18.99
(Doesn't Jennine look spectacular modeling it?)

If you don't care for red leopard, perhaps you should try some Def Leppard.

UPDATED TO ADD: Got some red leopard pants for you here.

I Thought I Looked Purrfect

Well, it turns out WWD didn't think I was a hot pussy in my vintage Patrick Kelly dress! I never expected the average person to appreciate that drag-a-licious gown, but being on a "Disaster Area" page next to Susan Sarandon exceeded my wildest hopes and dreams.

Mee-Wow!
(That WAS a very tight dress and not a catsuit, even though it looks like the latter in the photo.)

I think Patrick Kelly would have been proud.

This reminds me that I've been meaning to post this photo of Penelope Tree in a slashed-all-over black gown with exposed panties.


A recent issue of Vogue ran a photo of the Penelope Tree dress and bemoaned the fact that no one wears anything daring like this to big events anymore. I laughed out loud when I read that. We all know they'd put a bitch's ass on the fashion police page for wearing this dress! That's why no one "goes there." Susan Sarandon and I are going to get together and discuss this hypocrisy over drinks. Just as soon as she calls me. I'm waiting by the phone right now.

UPDATED TO ADD: Here's another photo of my outfit to show that it's really a dress, not a unitard!

I am going to take the big '80s shoulder pads out before I wear it again. I was going to do it that night but I was in a rush and thought that if I did shoulder-pad surgery while I was in such a hurry, I might hurt the dress. Oh yes, you read that right. I'll definitely wear this one again.

Shadows and Dust, Leather and Ruffles

Last month, I was infatuated with the ruffled leather jacket by Shadows and Dust in Craig's photo of Amanda de Simone.

Photo from Altamira NYC

I contacted Shadows and Dust and they referred me right back to Amanda, who happens to be their rep here in New York. Sadly, I didn't rock the jacket like she did.


The workmanship was exquisite, as was the ultra-soft leather. While I was there, I tried on a sleeveless leather jacket/tunic.

That one was also beautiful. Amanda says she's worn it on the beach! If you're interested in either piece, contact Shadows and Dust at shadows.a.dust@gmail.com.

Fashion Me Fabulous also has a thing for ruffled jackets. She pointed out two at wildly different pricepoints.

Aminaka Wilmont jacket
$2,095 on Net-a-Porter

$168 at Victoria's Secret

The Shadows and Dust pieces fall in between those two extremes.

Searching for Answers

I feel compelled to respond to a few more search terms that have led people to this blog.

• How much does jewelry designers make? Well, some designers does make a lot and some does make a little. It does depend on a variety of factors. I does not recommend it as a get-rich-quick scheme.
• Lady Marbela by Christina Aguilera and Pink is the wrong name. The correct one is "Lady Marmalade."
• Anne Boelyn's dog's name was Purkoy. When Purkoy died, people were scared to break the bad news to her. King Henry had to tell her himself.
  

Several bloggers have asked me how I find out what search terms are being used. Here are three options. Take a few minutes to check them out. You can use more than one.

• Google Analytics
• Feedburner
• Site Meter
  

Two bloggers who do hilarious features on their search results are:

• Daddy Likey (not often enough for me!)
• Grant Miller Media
  

Finally, for the person who was looking for shiny shorts, I recommend American Apparel.

To see all of American Apparel's shiny stuff, click here.

You can also check out the Diesel shorts I previously posted. And Godammit, I'm Mad! pointed out a pair of leather shorts by Staerk.

UPDATED TO ADD: To the person who Googled, "Is anyone else worried about Agathe?" the answer is yes.

UPDATED AGAIN TO ADD: Jennine reports that in the past few days Agathe "friended" her on Facebook. A sign of life! Hopefully that means Agathe just got sick of the blog but is fine herself.

Hot Links

I've got something for everyone today.

• For bloggers who have gotten nasty comments: Gala Darling's helpful post on dealing with negativity. (By the way, does everyone know that Val from Life of a Valley Girl has shut down her blog due to stalking?)
  
• For latex-loving pervs and fashionistas: Eli at Thrift Eye has got shiny legs.
• For iHog aficionados: Fernando's latest adventures.
  
• For Beatles fans and/or anyone with a sense of humor: The Ballad of Paul and Prunella. You'll laugh, you'll cry from laughing, you'll want to read it again and again.

Paul McCartney and Prunella, before the Heather Mills attack.

Ossie Clark in Cabaret

Last night, I watched one of my favorite movies, Cabaret, for the first time in years. I was thrilled to realize that Liza Minnelli was wearing the blouse version of an Ossie Clark dress that I own.

Liza wearing Ossie in Cabaret

My Ossie dress

I still love the choreography for "Mein Herr."


Mein Herr

Bloggers' Delight

The handsome street-style blogger Craig of Altamira NYC was kind enough to arrange a bloggers' get-together this evening. Be sure to keep an eye on his blog for photos. He took a few pictures of me standing on the street and after a shot or two, suggested I try a pose that looked a more "feminine." This advice -- coming so soon after my disastrous attempts to compose my face for Marie Claire, my evening of inflatable cheeks, and the fact that hairstylist-to-the-stars Keith Carpenter so despaired of getting a decent photo of me that he told me to go home and practice poses in the mirror -- has convinced me that I am graceless enough to get a starring role on America's Next Crap Model. Imagine the fun Jay Manual would have rolling his eyes at me. Tyra, I'm waiting by the phone.

I wore the Ossie Clark dress I won on eBay thanks to Sharon Rose, who pointed it out. This is currently my favorite Ossie. Thanks, Sharon Rose!

Photo by MrB -- Craig's will be much better!

All the bloggers in attendance were so nice. I figure I should leave the full report and photography to Craig, but I can't resist sharing a shot of iCiNG's Gala Darling.

She really IS darling!

And the beauteous Patricia of Bobble-Bee, who was sporting a fabulous hairdo, must be thanked for bringing me a gift from Spain.

Red is my favorite color.

I had to leave a little early to attend a friend's elopement party, so I'm looking forward to hearing how the rest of the evening went.

UPDATED TO ADD: Here's Craig's link. I'm so impressed by Doshka's jump!

Ugly Captcha of the Day

I guessed right. It IS a "W" on the end. My initial choice was two upside-down "A's" but I couldn't find those on my keyboard.

Book Club: Empress Matilda, Part III

Pretend you're hearing that TV announcer voice: "Previously, on Wendy Brandes Jewelry...." Now go read these:

• Book Club: Empress Matilda, Part I
• Book Club: Empress Matilda, Part II
  

You're finally ready for the last episode of the Empress Matilda chronicles.

As I've said, Matilda was a real fighter. That's why the necklace I designed for her is a sword that can be pulled from a scabbard.

Perfect for all the backstabbers on your list!
Volume discounts available!

Matilda Necklace © Wendy Brandes 2007-2008

Photography by SquareMoose

Even after Matilda fumbled her best chance at the crown in 1141, she didn't give up the fight. My favorite act of chutzpah took place in Oxford in 1142 when Matilda was under siege by Stephen's forces. The empress climbed out a window, threw on a white cloak and escaped through a blizzard. There's a similar (possibly apocryphal) story from 1141, when she supposedly escaped a siege disguised as a corpse on a funeral bier. Stephen must have been humiliated whenever he seized a castle only to find out that Matilda wasn't home. All her people who stayed behind were totally unhelpful, I'm sure. They were all like, "Um. We don't know when she'll be back. Can we take a message?" And then they would pretend to write down Stephen's message but they wouldn't really write it down! Oh, yeah, they played dirty in the 12th century.

"Drat! Foiled again!"
Most villains twirl their mustaches while saying that; it appears King Stephen twirled his eyes.

Meanwhile, back at the French ranch, Matilda's husband Geoffrey proved he wasn't entirely a pain in the ass when he conquered Normandy on Matilda's behalf in 1144. Stephen lost a lot of territory when he lost Normandy. It also must have been a terrible blow to his pride and his political standing, because this defeat came a mere 78 years after the Normans conquered England. He lost their native land! But he still clung to England, although Matilda continued that fight till 1147, when her half-brother and biggest supporter, Robert of Gloucester, died. Without Robert to lead her troops, Matilda was forced to leave for Normandy. Stephen had about half a second to heave a sigh of relief and then Matilda's 16-year-old son, Henry, picked up where his mother left off. Henry and Stephen fought until 1153, when Henry forced Stephen to sign a treaty recognizing Henry as Stephen's heir. Stephen was allowed to remain king till he died, which conveniently happened the following year. With Henry's ascension to the throne in 1154 (as Henry II), The Anarchy officially ended -- 19 horrible years after Stephen usurped the throne on the theory that any male would be better for the country than a gifted female ruler would be. You can hear that same theory now whenever you turn on talk radio.

I should note that Henry II married a woman just like Mom: the beautiful and powerful Eleanor of Aquitaine. I will leave that interesting couple for another day. For now, here are some Matilda books:

• I previously mentioned The Empress Matilda by Marjorie Chibnall. This is an excellent biography that's an easy read. Buy it from the U.K.'s Amazon site; it will be delivered faster than it will through the U.S. site.
• When Christ and His Saints Slept by Sharon Kay Penman is THE novel about Stephen and Matilda. While sticking close to the facts, the author manages to make both sides sympathetic. Two things drive me crazy about this book. First there's the "fictional character who falls in love with a poor but good person" subplot. They hand those out the first day you walk into Historical Fiction Writing 101: "Here, take a subplot and this class schedule." But the names of the characters bother me more. As I said in Part I, a lot of people back then shared the same name. Matilda's mother was also Matilda, and Stephen's wife was Matilda. Or they might have all been Maud or Maude or Mahaut, because those were all versions of Matilda. Penman understandably decides to give the empress and Stephen's wife distinct versions of the name, but she calls the EMPRESS Maude and Stephen's wife Matilda! She does that even though she acknowledges that the empress herself would have signed official documents with the more formal "Matilda" and "Matilda" is what was stamped on her coins. So why call her Maude? This tortured me through the entire 768 pages.
  
• Foolish gossip is nothing new: Some chroniclers promoted the notion that Stephen and Matilda were really lovers and Henry II was their son. A civil war that left untold thousands dead would certainly be the worst breakup ever. Serious historians completely dismiss this story. When I picked up Fatal Crown by Ellen Jones, I didn't realize it was a torrid, Stephen-ripping-Maud's-bodice romance. But once I accepted that the plot was going to be 100% absurd, the book was enjoyable in a Harlequin romance kind of way. As you might have noticed, Ellen calls Matilda "Maud" but considering all the other foolishness going on here, the name isn't a big issue.
• Historical fiction factory Jean Plaidy (really, I can't believe one person churned out all the books published under that name -- it's like Joyce Carol Oates on steroids) also went for the Matilda-Stephen romance in The Passionate Enemies. I haven't read this one. The quality of the Plaidy books is so iffy that I now find them only worth reading if there is absolutely no other fiction written about the queen I'm interested in. But, if you want it, you can get it used through Amazon.
  
• There are books that don't deal directly with Matilda or Stephen, but that are set during The Anarchy. Two good ones are The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett and Virgin in the Ice by Ellis Peters.
• There's a non-fiction book about the war that I haven't read: Steven and Matilda: The Civil War of 1139 - 1153 by J. Bradbury. I'm more interested in the context of an entire life rather than military maneuvers. The focus on military maneuvers was what bored me in history classes in school. I felt like a lot of teachers focused on who was where at what date, rather than what led to the events in the first place. I'll probably skip this one.
• Two books that you definitely can't read are the ones on Stephen and Matilda in the Yale English Monarch Series. Why? Because they don't exist. The series doesn't cover all of the monarchs. Still, I was annoyed that they had William Rufus (Henry I's predecessor), then Henry I, then skipped to Henry II. I'm going to give the nice people at Yale a call. For all I know, dozens of scholars could be diligently working on a Matilda book. I will report back.
  

Two final thoughts: Matilda was only reviled when she was a candidate for England's top job. She was beloved as the child bride of the Holy Roman Emperor and later respected as a key political adviser to Henry II. I think that tells you all you need to know about the motivations of her detractors.

Matilda's epitaph has always amused me. Whoever wrote it dealt brilliantly with the name problem: "Great by Birth, Greater by Marriage, Greatest in her Offspring: Here lies Matilda, the daughter, wife, and mother of Henry." Remember, Henry I was her father; Henry V was her first husband, the Emperor; and Henry II was her son. While the epitaph defines her by the men in her life, it doesn't totally rub me the wrong way. After all, the man she had the most influence over, her son, is the greatest (he may have paid for the tomb, but let me have my happiness). And that annoying Geoffrey? Written out of history altogether.

So there.

UPDATED TO ADD: A number of people have asked if I will do the Matilda Necklace in silver. If you have looked at it on my site, you've seen that this is an important piece that utilized the most highly skilled labor; it is priced accordingly. If I get enough serious requests, I'll investigate doing the sword in silver, with different stones, as a stand-alone piece. The labor required to do the scabbard would, in my opinion, be excessive for silver.

UPDATED AGAIN TO ADD: The New York Times has two good articles (here and here) on the misogyny faced by a woman running for high office. Not much has changed in the name-calling business in the past 900 years.

Just When You Thought It Was Safe...

...and you weren't going to read anything else about big pussies....

Oh noes!!!!

In reality, that cat is one of the most petite pussies I have ever encountered. It's just the angle of the camera that is making him look so large.

Backwards Heel

If you want to do the backwards-heel thing without being a Marc Jacobs enabler, Y-3's got you covered.

Y-3 Wedge
$750 on eLuxury

Marc Jacobs Backwards Heel
$1,100 on Net-a-Porter

Last month, my dear friend Fernando von Bakonstein was perplexed by this style.

Fernando ponders a shoe in Paris

Speaking of shoes, Jildor has lots of gladiator sandals here.

Can't Get Enough WendyB?

If so, you need help! Seriously, even I've had enough of me. If it were possible, I'd go on a vacation without me. That said, it was awfully nice of gorgeous blogger Vyque from Fasshonaburu to do a big interview with ... me. Check it out here for her sake!

Totally random 2003 photo of ... me!
Dang! I really HAVE had those cargo pants for five years.

We'll Start Our Own Gang

One of you has to buy this sequined Antik Batik jacket. It's on sale at Yoox for $130, down from $268.

I'll wear my matching sequined Antik Batik dress.

We'll start a terrifying gang called the Golden Girls and have violent initiation ceremonies.

For our more casual gang days, you'll need a pair of Acne jeans like mine. They're on sale at Yoox too.

UPDATED TO ADD: How could I have been so remiss? I neglected to mention that Golden Girl Bea Arthur celebrated her 86th birthday on May 13. Join my gang in Bea's honor!

Does Anyone Have Orangutan Arms?

I got a kick out of the seller's description of this sweater on eBay.

"I'm not even sure where to begin the description of this sweater. It's a nubby off-white acrylic knit, and was apparently made for either a Yeti, or a knuckle-dragging caveman. The sleeves hang way down past the bottom of the sweater. If you have hands that hang down to your ankles, this is a once-in-a-lifetime chance to get a sweater that actually fits you. For the record, I didn't actually pick this sweater out, it was in with a 'lot' of clothing that I purchased. But, if you buy it from me, you will not be able to claim that you got this sweater by accident. You've been warned."

The seller might be dubious, but we've seen some giant knits on the runway. I bet one you creative fashion bloggers could style this into a runway look. Buy it now for $22!